Tried Until Golden

“You can’t pick out the pieces you like and leave the rest. Being part of the whole thing, that’s the blessing.” – Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting

Hello Dear Friend,

Paul couldn’t believe it as he listened to the dial tone buzzing in his ear. That phone call had just changed his life. “Dream job, I’ve landed my dream job,” he thought while pushing the “end call” button and putting his phone back down on his desk. After conversing with his boss, Paul finished out his workday submitting an official letter resigning from his position and the company he had only been at for two weeks.

When Paul had told him, his boss just laughed in disbelief, “I’ve never had this happen! I’ve never hired a guy who left one company for ours, after only two days, and then turns around to leave our company after only two weeks. Never in my twenty years here have I had that happen.”

“What can I say, I’m unique.” Paul responded, half joking with his boss.

“Well, I agree. You have to take that job! That’s an excellent company and this is a great opportunity for you. But hey, if it doesn’t work out for you just promise me you’ll come back. Part-time, full- time, whatever you want… Just come back to me.”

“Okay. Thank you, sir.” Paul stretched out his arm to shake hands with the man that was now his former boss.

Paul packed up what few personal possessions he’d had sitting on his desk and flipped the light off in his office. Walking out of the front door and standing on the sidewalk he turned back to look up at the building he’d just walked out of for the last time. He’d just made the decision to leave the corporate world behind and traded it in for a life of ministry.

“I’m just stopping to get some gas and a coffee and then I’m headed home.” Paul was telling his wife over the phone as he released the gas cap, punched the button labeled regular, shoved in the nozzle and squeezed the handle. He soon heard the fuel running through the hose and a little gurgle sound as the gas started flooding into the tank. With the tank now full, he ran in into the convenience store to quickly grab a coffee before starting his hour drive home.

Stepping out of the store he noticed a guy and a girl staring at him, they looked to be in their early twenties he observed. As Paul drew closer the guy asked him, “Do you own the vehicle at pump one?”

Paul quickly glanced at the lane number above his car. “Yes.” He answered cautiously. “ Why?”

“We are so sorry!” The young man started.

As it turns out, they’d backed their very large black Toyota truck into the front of the driver’s side of Paul’s Honda civic in an attempt to clear out of the parking spot they had occupied. Paul tried to remain calm as they waited for the police to arrive and evaluate the situation.

The couple was thrown off by how calm Paul was reacting to the entire situation so much so that the young man ventured to ask him, “Are you even upset by this at all?”

“Oh, yeah! I am upset.” Paul calmly confirmed. But he knew this was one of those moments when he needed to be a light in the darkness. So he had swallowed his urge to react and instead he remained calm, choosing to let Jesus shine through to this young couple.

He sighed heavily as he thought, “Well, if it wasn’t this then it would be something else.”

Bitter Truth

Can you imagine being smacked around so much you end up reaching a point when it feels like you have nothing left? You’ve been hit so many times that you no longer care what you look like in the eyes of anyone, even God. That’s one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned from Job. In his trials and his defeat, he found a freedom that allowed him to willingly come before God completely unveiled.

Job lost it all; family, friends, wealth, social standings, he even cursed his own birthright and wished he were dead. But throughout the whole process he never cursed his Creator, not once. Even though God not only had allowed his sufferings but even gave Satan permission to attack Job, he never blamed God for his shortcomings.

Job happens to be one of my Bible character heroes. I know it’s often a book in the Bible that is skipped over, because his story is so depressing that nobody wants to read it but he happens to be the ultimate comeback kid. Seriously, his story continuously encourages me. Talk about a guy who was tested. The trials he faced were downright inhumane as the guy who served as Satan’s personal punching bag.

“Therefore I will refrain my mouth, I will speak in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul." – Job 7:11

Now, what I love about Job’s story is that he’s pretty much done when he comes before God. Job has had it and he doesn’t care anymore. He doesn’t come before God with intensions to impress Him or looking all together and pretty. In fact, his intentions were the opposite; he came to God ugly and raw. I imagine that disbelief was slowly creeping in and that Job was probably beginning to lose not only his faith but also a bit of his mind. Job comes to God unveiled and brutally honest. He wasn’t hiding himself from God. Instead Job came to him saying, “This is me. I know it’s ugly. I know it’s distasteful and bitter. But at least I’m being honest.”

Growing Pains

You’d think that if you were living the life you were meant to live it seems like the odds would ever be in your favor. You’d be catching all the breaks, the smiles would come at ease and your happiness would be natural and contagious…right? Sure, in a perfect world that would be exactly how things would go. But we don’t live in a perfect world. Our world has been corrupt by darkness and evil roams searching for what it can devour.

“For when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold." – Job 23:10

Often times, I too am being tried and in the backburner of my mind I know I’m just being tested and strengthened on a spiritual level. Even though physically and mentally the trials often weigh me down and make me feel weak. And yes, even the bitterness creeps its way in sometimes. It will consume me and depress me sometimes causing me to vent and complain because I’m only human after all.

I’ve always thought that whenever I feel like everything in my life is going wrong and I think I’m completely off track of where I’m supposed to be it’s usually tends to be the opposite. When my life seems to be going horribly wrong it’s typically a clear indication to me that I’m actually on the right track. I know that sounds completely backwards but hear me out. If I wasn’t doing something right, then the enemy wouldn’t be trying so hard to get to me… right?

Lately, he’s been trying pretty hard to do just that. I’ve definitely been feeling the heaviness that comes with spiritual warfare lately. In the past few weeks the enemy has attacked my physical health, my work, my finances, those in my extended reach and he’s even gone so far as to dig right down to the tiniest and almost meaningless things that still tend to have an effect on shaping my mood.

The hits keep coming and it’s pretty clear to me that I’m in the middle of a spiritual battle. I tend to like to picture it like the epic battles that are found in “Lord of the Rings”, or “The Chronicles of Narnia” when good versus evil and they go head to head in a dual. Good always wins, but apparently Satan has a hard time learning that lesson… I wonder if he knows the definition for insanity?

I’m weary, worn out, sometimes in a daze and confused. But I’m well aware that it’s part of my story. You can’t pull out the good without going through the bad. You can’t start out on a quest, skip over the journey and then expect to reap the benefits that come after completing the assignment. All of it makes up the story in a life.

Luckily, I’m blessed enough to have learned pretty early on that the trials and tribulations I face are just fleeting moments and seasons that are pushing me to excel to the next level God has in store for me. I often look at the storms of life as lessons. Quickly looking to God to see what it is that He’s doing in the midst of what He has allowed the enemy to throw my way. I look to see what He’s trying to teach me in those seasons, how I can be strengthened through them, where my focus needs to shift and which parts of me either need to be stripped away or built up even further.

I’ve always thought that there is a special kind of sweetness that comes with the spiritual tests. There’s a part of me that doesn’t mind them even. I draw my sword, take a deep breath and rise for battle because I know that God’s got this. He stands beside me with His mighty army backing me up and He’s already foreseen the outcome. He’s already planned out the victory and has restored everything the enemy tried to take and He’s has made it even better that what I had before.

Each battle leads me towards a breakthrough. Usually the spiritual attacks come without warning and I have no idea why I enter into a season of trials and spiritual growth until after I’ve come out on the other side and see the ripple effect that has changed everything for the good even when it felt like it was all going wrong.

I’ve also found that it’s usually right when I feel like I can’t take much more and fear that I’m about to throw in the towel and give up – that’s when my breakthroughs tend to sit. Just beyond where I can see at the moment, right over the horizon and just beyond that all these blessings that I could never dream or imagine overflow. So, every time I find myself in the middle of the storm I keep pressing on. As I fight the strongholds and push through the barriers and the enemies snares I do it for my King. As I go through the spiritual minefields I have that victory chant on repeat in my mind; on the other side of this battle field this warrior will come forth as gold.

With love,

a Poetic Soul